Magical STDs..... And Other Useful Tables

"@AlchemicalRaker puts it best when he suggests that players deserve less. If they’re two things that are true, it’s: Thanks to a generational porn/smut addiction and Critical Roles influence on the hobby. Today’s player base is filled with a ton of perverts who seek out opportunities to bring romance and sexual innuendo into the game.

Players are like children. They become great when challenged and punished accordingly by their DM. So in an effort to correct this issue in the funniest way possible. I present the magical STD Table, along with a sub table for determining the probability of your players contracting one of these hilarious, unplaytested, potentially game breaking STDs.

AND! As an added bonus, I’ve thrown in a new playable “race” for "@TheBasicExpert’s 0DnD clone, "@WightBox.

Action The PC or NPC Takes	Likelihood
The PC/NPC hooks up with a promiscuous PC/NPC.	35%
The PC/NPC hooks up with a prostitute.	55%
The PC/NPC hooks up with an NPC or PC that the DM knows has a Magical STD.	95% chance of catching that STD

1d100	Magical STD
0-6	Bless-ed Blisters. Every day you wake with 1d6 blisters. Every time you take damage you must make a Save vs Spells or a blister pops & heals a random enemy for 1d4 HP.
7-12	The Clap. A loud mocking clap lofts through the air whenever the diseased succeeds a task, fails a task, or gets intimate.
13-16	Dick Rot. Mummy rot, but centered on your dick. Female characters are cursed with giving every male character they come into contact with, the disease.
17-33	Dire Pubic Lice. At the start of each day, the disease loses (Con Bonus) HP per day.
34-41	Floral Fever. Flowers bloom uncontrollably in the Deceased's hair, making it impossible to wear a helmet, resulting in -1 AC whenever armor is worn.
42-43	Goblin Groin. A fully functional goblin face grows out of where your genitals once were. He is annoying, constantly playing verbal pranks in an attempt to get you killed. When asked why, he’ll respond, “Because it's funny” and proceed to laugh at you.
44-47	Gravitational Gonorrhea. Whenever most inconvenient, the DM can switch the gravity of the diseased. They suddenly fall towards the ceiling (taking fall damage) and are forced to walk across the ceiling.
48-60	Infernal Hornpox. The diseased grow horns and must change their race to Tiefling. Every time they become intimate with someone new, the horns grow bigger & more elaborate. They’re painful to remove, and will just grow back the next day.
61-64	Infernal Syphilis. -1 INT. The disease is intelligent and will try convincing the diseased to spread it. They lose an additional -1 INT every time this happens.
65-69	Jester’s Jingles. The ringing of bells fills the air whenever the diseased walks or runs, making stealth nearly impossible.
70-75	Kenku-midia. The diseased can only repeat words said during the session. Failure to do so can result in a low roleplay ranking from the DM, thus lowering their XP (according to AD&D 1e).
76-82	Magic Mites. Casters affected by this disease must roll upon the provided wild magic sub-table whenever they cast a spell. Non-casters affected by this disease have the effects of any spell cast upon them doubled.
83-85	Mocking Mirrorosis. The diseased's reflection is always mocking them. It’s visible to anyone with eyes.
86-89	Mollusk-Molluscum. Whenever inconvenient, the DM can decide that any object or creature the diseased is touching becomes affixed to their body as if affected by the effects of sovereign glue for 1d4 days.
90-92	Polymorph Pox. The diseased wakes up as a different beast from the provided Polymorph sub-table every day.
93-99	Siren’s Scabies. Whenever the diseased enters combat, they are compelled to sing an enchanting alluring song. This song forces all enemies to focus their attack on them and gives a +2 bonus to attack the diseased.

Tiefling Class For WightBox/0DnD

Tieflings are individuals warped by unclean, debauched, and chaotic behavior. Bearing both the power and stigma of their infernal heritage, they are marked by horns of various shapes and sizes, a visible reminder of their transformation. Often found in taverns or the red-light districts of bustling towns and cities, Tieflings are viewed with skepticism and mistrust, as many see them as untrustworthy and driven by self-interest.

NPC reactions to Tieflings may impose a -2 penalty to Charisma-based interactions with humans, elves, and dwarves.

Tieflings are limited to the Thief and Fighting-Man classes but possess the ability to cast the Charm Person spell once per day up to 3rd level.

Upon reaching 4th level, this ability improves, allowing them to cast the spell twice per day. This ability doesn’t increase further, as Tieflings can’t progress beyond 6th level.