Wizarding Lessons From The Scarlet Citadel

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Inspired by '"BROZER','Rdubs', and the backflipping, headlocking, Dad-bod-building BROsr guys, I decided to throw myself into the BROxt ring with the legendary Conan tale, "The Scarlet Citadel'.

For those of you who are too full of shame to admit you’ve never read this work of Hyborian history, The Scarlet Citadel follows the exploits of Conan the Barbarian King of Aquilonia after he is defeated in battle and imprisoned by the dreaded wizard Tsotha-lanti. After escaping the jaws of a serpent of shadow, slicing his way through a eunuch guard, evading a siren-voiced frog-octopus, and abiding in the escape of Tsotha’s rival Pelias. Conan rides a magically summoned giant eagle-bat home and throws a betrayer from his throne. He gathers his armies and rides against a siege on the border of his country.
If there is one thing anyone can take away from reading Conan, it’s that it fills you with the desire to grab some dice and throw yourself into the combative intrigue driven game we lovingly call Dungeons and Dragons.

The story taught me a TON about wizards. Don’t get me wrong—wizards are cool, but as a Zoomer, I grew up with goofy wizards like Ice King from Adventure Time, or Alex Russo of Wizards of Waverly Place. Wizards and magic have always been gonzo and silly for me. But during the Hyborian Age, a forgotten time long before iPhones, pogo sticks, & baseball—wizards are:
  • Terrifying! “Good wizards” don’t exist. Meaning in a campaign where you're trying to emulate that old school pulpy feel. Wizards should only be limited to neutral and chaotic alignments (and evil if you're playing a system with 9-point alignment).

  • Are slowly mutated by magic. Wizards should have any other worldly look about them. In The Scarlet Citadel this means that Tsotha-lanti has glowing eyes and the teeth of a wolf.
    Inspired by the Hyborian wizards of old, I put together a generator, the following generator which I hope will help spice up my Wizard NPCs (not sure how players can use it yet).

    • 1d6 1-2 3-4 5-6
    1-2 Glowing eyes Wolves teeth A third arm
    3-4 A snake's tongue D20 bulbous warts (across body), they blink! Elongated fingers
    5-6 Antelope horns Every joint is double-jointed Breath is always visible

  • have no honor. They may control armies and lands. But they don’t command the same authority that a king of noble birth, or of right by the sword (like Conan) would. They hold power through fear. Whereas kings (can) hold power through respect.

  • Are slavers. Whether it be for vanity, cheap labor, a supply of victims to experiment upon, or they’re skin which a wizard may flay from the slaves body to dry and use as parchment. Wizards are slavers.
Obviously, the Hyborian Wizards are far different, far more terrifying, and far cooler than the neutered Wizards I grew up watching.

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